This is a Tag Blog, which hops from blog to blog depending on who is willing to carry the tale. “Damn it,” Yossi slams his ale on the bar. The bartender glances over, eyebrow arched. Yossi rubs his five o’clock shadow thinking hard. Where in the world should he start his search for the German. “Excuse me sir, is this seat taken?” a delicate voice asks from behind his left shoulder threatening to interrupt his thoughts. Yossi turns slightly to look over his shoulder. He looks the woman up and down and shakes his head. “No.” He turns back and stares into his ale with intense concentration, showing no interest in the woman. There is no time for fun and games. He has a man to catch. “Thank you sir,” the woman says as she takes her seat. Yossi simply raises his mug to her when a vision hits him. He leans back on his stool, looking up at the imaginary lightbulb shining bright above him. Find the woman, find the man. He has to go to Germany straight away. She would lead him to the German. Anxious to be on the move and determined to make ground, Yossi quickly finishes his ale. He kisses the woman on the cheek, “Thank you miss,” and rushes out the door. At the airport, he catches the first flight to Berlin. ******* Meanwhile, in their London office George and his brother, Thomas, search records looking for any old, semi-retired doctors. Papers strewn across their desks and their computers humming under the strain. “What about we find out who was actually buried there?” “I think it matters not,” Thomas says, exasperated. They had been searching for days already without a lead. “It might,” George protests. “Fine then,” Thomas sighs, “you search for the identity of the woman, I will keep looking for the old man.” Thomas is surprised at how well the government faked the death of Von Schumann. His uncle always spoke of conspiracy theories and this was further proof that a conspiracy was indeed in play. George smiles. He could always convince his brother to let him do what he wanted. However, deep down, he believed that there was a connection between the woman who was buried and the man who should have been. ******* Rebecca grabs her duffel bag by the door and slings it over her shoulder. “Where are you going?” von Schumann beckons from the study. Rebecca drops the bag with an oomph and makes her way to the study. “Funny,” von Schumann doesn’t look up from the documents on his desk, “you can be quiet as a mouse, but sometimes, usually when you have something on your mind, you are loud and clumsy.” Rebecca sighs. She forgets sometimes to keep her emotions in check and remember that she is a spy. One of the best Berlin has ever seen actually. But she’s worried. It has been days since she’s heard form Hans and he always checks in. The last she had heard from him was when he boarded the boat. He told her that a shadow hunter was trailing him. But, Hans, he was stealthier than any Shadow Hunter. “Where are you going Becca?” “I’m going to find Hans.” She places her hand on the back of the chair. “You will not,” von Schumann bellows as he looks up at her, “Hans is capable of handling the hunter on his own.” Rebecca huffs, about to protest. Before she has a chance, von Schumann says, “The last thing I need is for both of you to be hunted.” “You’re right,” she says, “Hans can handle it on his own.” “I hear a but.” von Schuman tilts his head and peers at her above the rim of his glasses, “What is it Becca?” “I don’t think we were alone at the graveyard that night Doctor.” “Someone else?” he frowns, “How many people are involved in this?” “Not a person. But I don't think we were alone.” “Scheisse .” von Schumann waves his hand and dismisses her. Rebecca nods, taking her cue, and leaves the study. She grabs her duffel bag and makes her way back to the graveyard to investigate further. Anyone who thinks they have what it takes to carry this story through the next part, simply comment below. First person to comment that they would like to continue the story, has ONE WEEK to post the next part to their own blog.
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Interview with Rahima Warren, Author of The Star-Seer’s Prophecy, a fantasy trilogy How did this story come to you? I am still puzzled by where this story and its hero came from. It certainly did not come from my life experience. All I know is that I had a character similar to the protagonist of The Star-Seer’s Prophecy in my dreams and fantasies since I was a child. I have no idea where he came from, but he wouldn’t leave me alone. He kept showing up, over and over. Partly inspired by my curiosity about him, I studied dreamwork, and became a psychotherapist. I found that Carl Jung’s work with dreams and archetypes most helpful. I did dreamwork and wrote dialogs with this inner character, and tried to analyze what part of my psyche he is, or what archetype he represents. No matter what I did, he kept on lurking around. Finally, one day, I wrote a short story in my journal, hoping that he would be satisfied and go away. Big mistake! That little story opened the floodgates. This character, whose name turned out to be Kyr, had quite a journey to go on. The only way he could do it was to take over my life and turn me into a writer. When those floodgates opened, a rush of intense, exciting creative energy poured forth. I surrendered to the current and it swept me along. I had no plan. I just went with the flow and wrote what Kyr showed me. His story started out so dark that I was sure I would never show it to anyone, ever! But writing his story was my secret passion— and it was the only way I could find out what happened next. After decades of personal growth work; after becoming a transpersonal counselor and working with clients for twenty years; and becoming an Expressive Arts therapist, I’d learned to trust the creative process and my soul’s hidden wisdom, and so I was able to allow Kyr’s story to pour forth without censoring or editing. After the first draft of the entire trilogy was on paper, I realized it is a powerful story worth sharing. So I studied how to write fiction, hired an editor, and revised, revised, revised. Did you always want to be an author? I began reading fantasy and Sci-Fi as soon as I could read, thanks to my parents. (They left F&SF magazines with fascinating cover art lying around the house.) I always wondered how the authors could create alternate worlds and write such fascinating stories, but I never imagined becoming one of them. I thought authors were these odd creatures who lived in flats in New York City. At one point in the late 1980s, I felt I needed to observe a ‘fast’ from unnecessary words for a month as a spiritual practice. I stopped reading, watching TV, etc. And I got my first laptop. One night, when I couldn’t sleep, I turned on my laptop and started writing whatever imagery showed up in my mind. I found myself writing stories. Still, it was just for fun. I didn’t think about becoming an author until after I had written the first draft of The Star-Seer’s Prophecy. They say life imitates art, but were there any events or people in your life that became inspiration for your work? My psychotherapy clients revealed to me the amazing ability we humans have to overcome terrible trauma and abuse, to move toward healing our wounds and recovering our innate beauty, integrity and wholeness. To do this, we need to face what harm was done to us, and eventually, to begin to see beyond our pain to the brokenness of our abusers. Many people were able to move past their anger and vengefulness, and to forgive the person who harmed them, without forgiving their harmful actions. This is a major theme of The Star-Seer’s Prophecy, but it is not based on any particular person’s story. What were some of your inspirations when you were creating your world? I’m sure I have been subliminally influenced by reading fairy tales, and many of my favorite authors, such as Ursula LeGuin, Carol Berg, Charles De Lint, Patricia McKillip, and Sherri S. Tepper, to name a few. However, I did not consciously copy anyone. My process was to sort of “listen-see” and write whatever I “heard-saw.” Kyr’s world turned out to be semi-medieval, with black sorcery, healing magic, and magical rituals, but no dragons, unicorns, or goblins. Magic is always an integral part of fantasy novels, how did you create your magic? Again, I followed the flow of the story. Ideas for the magic just seemed to arise as needed. In hindsight, I can see that for the healing magic, I drew upon my experience with energy work such as Reiki. For the rituals, I was influenced by my experience of the sacred rituals of Celtic and Native American traditions, but only in a general way. I did not copy any particular culture’s rituals. What's the one thing you want people to take away from reading the Star Seer's Prophecy? That the real magic is forgiveness – forgiving those who have harmed you, instead of obsessing endlessly about your wounds, and/or seeking revenge. This only perpetuates the pain. Equally important is forgiving yourself for making mistakes, for not being perfect, for being human. Often, one of the hardest things is to forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know at the time. For example, in the story, Kyr begins as an obedient slave to the evil sorcerer-king called the Soul-Drinker. Later, Kyr learns what atrocities he committed as a slave, and feels deep remorse. He painfully learns to forgive himself for not knowing at the time that what he had done was wrong. Without giving away too much, what's next for Kyr? In the first book, Dark Innocence, Kyr chose the hard path of healing, forgiveness and love. With the help of friends and healers, he overcame his terrible upbringing as a Slave of the Soul-Drinker, and became a man capable of kindness, courage and integrity at the Sanctuary of the Goddess Zhovanya. In Book Two, Fierce Blessings, Kyr faces the familiar nightmare of cruelty and evil that he knew as a boy, in the second hell foretold by the Prophecy. As hostage for the safety of the Sanctuary, his friends, and his beloved Jolanya, he struggles to protect his soul from succumbing to the depravity he has known for most of his life, and fights to keep hold of the blessings he received from Zhovanya. In the final volume of the trilogy, Perilous Bliss (forthcoming), Kyr is plunged into the third hell of the Star-Seer’s Prophecy. A most intimate and harrowing betrayal throws him into a storm of rage and despair. Alienated from his friends, himself, and, worst of all, the Goddess, he flees to a mysterious tower, where he finds the solitude that is all he can bear. But the time has come, at last: the stars are moving into the pattern foreseen long ago by the Star-Seer. Will Kyr be able to keep faith with the Goddess Who saved his soul in time to renew the Sacred Balance and restore Her sovereignty? Or will he return to the foul slavery he has known most of his life? The fate of the land and the Goddess Herself depends on his choice. About Dark Innocence: In an ancient world of blood sorcery and healing magic, the Soul-Drinker, a vicious necromancer-king, is draining the life from the souls of the people and of the earth itself. Worse yet, he has banished the land's rightful Goddess, and disrupted the Sacred Balance, sending the mortal and divine realms whirling toward destruction. The only hope for salvation is a youth named Kyr, born and raised as one of the Soul-Drinker's blindly obedient slaves. Kyr knows only the pain, evil and cruelty of the Soul-Drinker's hell--and nothing of the Star-Seer's Prophecy that declares him to be the long-sought Liberator. Rescued by strangers, Kyr embarks on a bewildering journey into a bizarre new life, where kindness and love are real. If he is to fulfill his destiny, he must battle his inner demons and fight to find his buried capacities for compassion and courage. Will he be able to surrender the inner ice that has been his soul's only protection in time to save the world from disaster? Again, you can grab your copy for just 99 cents at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or iBooks as part of this special event! My good friend Jeremy has kindly agreed to help me out again. This time simply because, I have nothing exciting to say about my health journey on this #FitFriday. I was watching this documentary on HBO the other day called “Tru Blood” in which these Vampires down in Louisiana have somehow integrated into society, and basically leach off of the system in one way or another. It’s pretty brutal actually, all the blood and gore, but I can only imagine that they know what they are doing. Ok well maybe it isn’t a documentary, but it might as well be. There are vampires among us in just about every facet of our life, and just because they don’t suck your blood they will figure out a way to suck the life out of whatever it is that you happen to be good at. Please keep these things in mind if you are a newbie to the gym, or someone that appears to have a very hard time getting healthy. You need to be accommodating to those that are trying to help you sooner or later, or else you are actually a problem.
I know you might be thinking what a horrible person this Jeremy Crow jerk must be to say such a thing, but the truth be known, I have been doing this work out thing for an awful long time. I may not be the stereotypical meathead that you would expect to see after 20 years of working out, two degrees, and running a moderately successful health blog. Of course now I should say, “shame on you for thinking I would be,” but aside from that I happen to be the most helpful person in the world, and especially at the gym. The secret to me being able to do that is that I know when to give up on someone. Our job, as a helpful member of society, is in the understanding that some people need help and others just want it. Think of it this way. You know a perfect book on how to do whatever. You tell someone that if they read that book, they will be an expert like you. They refuse to read the book because they expect you to simply explain the book to them, if you accept that as a good idea, then I could have used you when I was a raving and active alcoholic. Now fortunately when I ran out of people like that I was forced to choose between quitting drinking or slipping further into misery without the audience I had grown accustomed to. The person who desperately needs to get in shape, but won’t do any of the work to get in shape is the EXACT SAME THING. They are now completely interfering with your ability to work out, and do things other than work out, and given enough time they will make it so you don’t want anything to do with working out. Now of course you don’t just grab the person by the hair and walk them out the door of the gym explaining to them that you never want to see them again. You simply explain to them that they should probably find someone who they can get advice they will use from. You have to worry about you. On the other side of the coin, if you are genuinely active and obviously take someone’s advice at the gym or in another scenario (accommodating to those that are trying to help), you will probably find that they will never need to push you aside, nor will they ever want to. They most likely will feel that they are doing some good, and I say THAT because that is how I treat every new person that comes into the gym and asks me just about anything. In other words; never be afraid to ask questions, but sooner or later you have to take the advice.
It's finally here! Children of Darkness - Book One in The Seekers Series is available NOW. Check it out on Amazon.com. FREE for Kindle Unlimited subscribers. GET YOUR COPY
“A must-read page turner.” Kirkus Review About the Book:The Children of Darkness is about a society devoid of technology, the result of an overreaction to a distant past where progress had overtaken humanity and led to social collapse. The solution—an enforced return to a simpler time. But Children is also a coming of age story, a tale of three friends and their loyalty to each other as they struggle to confront a world gone awry. Each searches for the courage to fight the limits imposed by their leaders, along the way discovering their unique talents and purpose in life."If the whole world falls into a Dark Age, which it could plausibly do, who could bring us out of it? According to David Litwack in The Children of Darkness, the only answer is us, now, somehow reaching into the future." - Kaben Nanlohy for On Starships And DragonwingsPublication Date: June 22, 2015 from Evolved Publishing Purchase Link: http://smarturl.it/ “A fresh perspective on our own society...[an] enjoyable read that will make you wonder just how society will judge us in the future.” Lexie About the Author:The urge to write first struck when working on a newsletter at a youth encampment in the woods of northern Maine. It may have been the night when lightning flashed at sunset followed by northern lights rippling after dark. Or maybe it was the newsletter's editor, a girl with eyes the color of the ocean. But he was inspired to write about the blurry line between reality and the fantastic. Using two fingers and lots of white-out, he religiously typed five pages a day throughout college and well into his twenties. Then life intervened. He paused to raise two sons and pursue a career, in the process becoming a well-known entrepreneur in the software industry, founding several successful companies. When he found time again to daydream, the urge to write returned. After publishing two award winning novels, Along the Watchtower and The Daughter of the Sea and the Sky, he’s hard at work on the dystopian trilogy, The Seekers. David and his wife split their time between Cape Cod, Florida and anywhere else that catches their fancy. He no longer limits himself to five pages a day and is thankful every keystroke for the invention of the word processor. Website: www.davidlitwack.com Facebook: David Litwack - Author Twitter: @DavidLitwackGiveawaya Rafflecopter giveaway More Reviews! “Litwack’s storytelling painted a world of both light and darkness–and the truth that would mix the two.” Fiction Fervor “The Children of Darkness is a dystopian novel that will stay with you long after you finish reading it.” C.P. Bialois “This is a satisfying exploration of three teens' journey into the unknown, and the struggles faced by all who seek true emancipation - both for themselves, and for the people they love.” Suzy Wilson “Litwack's writing is fresh, and Nathaniel, Orah and Thomas come to life in your imagination as you frantically flip (or click) the pages of this book.” Anna Tan “...many profound themes, lovely characterizations and relationships” R. Campbell “I was enthralled and intrigued by the authors creation of this society... David Litwack has an enjoyable and captivating writing style.” Jill Marie “...a perfect story for young adult readers, but its underlying theme and character development will keep any adult engaged.” Kathleen SullivanWrite every day
No matter what…just do it. Start with a doodle if you need to but get those creative juices flowing! Read always A successful writer starts as a reader. Period. But it doesn’t stop there. Just as writing becomes a part of your life, so does reading. Explore outside your comfort zone. Meaning read AND write outside of your genre The thing I love most about doing book reviews is that I sometimes get books that I would not normally choose off a shelf. The thing I love about having a teenager and an almost teenager is reading what they are reading. When you write outside your genre you are exercising your creative muscles and you never know, you might surprise yourself! I know I did! Have a read of my little story “Maia” or “The Children”. Set up an Author’s platform with a web site and through social media You need to get your name out there. Some publishers won’t accept your work if you are not already on the path to being established. Besides, sharing your work and having people say they enjoy it as you are working towards your ultimate goal sure does feel good! Network, subscribe to other blogs, join groups Networking is all about building your platform. Reading other people’s blogs not only builds your network but can provide you with invaluable advice. Proofread, have beta readers Always proof read your work first. But as the creator of this masterpiece, you are biased as to its quality, so always have a few beta readers before you introduce it to the world. Don’t stop learning No one person can know everything. There is always room to grow and learn. And there are many avenues from which to learn. Enter contests Again, this is about getting your name out there. Winning contests is also a great addition to your Author’s platform. To be successful, you must be published in some form, and usually with contests, the winner gets their work published in some form. It always feels good for being recognized. Even if the recognition doesn’t come with dollar signs attached. I was nominated for the ‘Sisterhood of the World Blogger’s Award’ by the lovely Adele Archer. Thank you for recognizing my work and supporting me on my journey to becoming a published author, and an overall more successful person! I’m going to answer the mad-cap questions as set by Adele Archer. Then I’m going to ask 10 mad questions of my own and nominate three other bloggers who I admire. Picking only three bloggers is a not so easy task!
Now is the moment you have all been waiting for. As I search deep within myself to answer those questions set forth by Mrs. Archer… I would like to nominate: 1. Kellie-Ann Russell (a great blogger whose posts I can always be inspired by (yes, even the spider post!)), 2. Nikki DeMc (love the family movie reviews and the real life inspirational posts…and who doesn’t love purple!) and 3. DJ “The Trainman” Walker (a blogger who offers a little bit of everything on his site! Also, the first to give me a writing prompt for one of my #WritingWednesday when my brain wouldn’t co-operate!). This is what I would like to know about YOU: And for those that I didn’t nominate, because I can only pick 3, it would be awesome if you answered in the comments section below!
I hope you enjoyed learning a little more about me. As always, thank you for reading and your support. Feel free to leave a comment below or on my Google+ or my FaceBook. How many have had this sort of dialogue before? "Maybe if I wore clothes that fit, I wouldn't feel so fat." Well, you are not alone. Trust me! Like me, you are not the first, and like me, you won't be the last! It takes time, effort and dedication to change your lifestyle to one that is healthy. In reality, my lifestyle is really not that unhealthy. But of course, I do have some habits that put me in the place to be where I am today. Well, I would say I did pretty good this week making conscious decisions. I did learn one very important thing this week .... I need to go slow otherwise I will hurt myself. Giving your muscles time to wake up and recover is necessary and not the end of the world. At what time do I start counting the 21 days? Is it the day when I first start my plan? Or is it the day that I have incorporated all pieces to my plan? And what happens when I go off course? Do I start over again?
For example, phase I was the 3Ms. More sleep, more water and more movement. I needed to keep it simple just because of all the other stuff happening in my life. I gave myself 3 weeks (21 days) to meet this goal. I have met this goal but it doesn't mean that I no longer focus on these core things. Phase II? I haven't defined it to be honest. I guess Phase II can be ... being serious about my health. Being aware of my daily caloric intake and output. Remembering, it goes beyond thought. Action is required! She sits on the couch sipping a hot cup of tea. She's immersed in a good book when a loud clap of thunder shakes her to the core. She jumps, spilling her tea. Getting up and putting her book onto the couch, she goes to the kitchen. Grabbing a tea towel, she wipes her book off then heads to her room to change. The hallway lights up as she walks towards her room. Just as she blinks, there is another loud clap. It is so close that she feels the floor shake. With a hand on her chest she takes a deep breath. 'I hope that doesn't wake the baby,' she thinks to herself. No sooner than she thinks it, the wailing begins. "Shoot," she breaths. She turns and goes to the baby's room, abandoning the idea of changing her shirt. If she calms the baby quickly enough she can make herself another tea and read her book. When she walks into the baby's room, the motion sensor turns on the soft night light so she can see where she is stepping. "Shhhh," she whispers, "hush now baby. Momma's here." She reaches over the crib railing and starts to rub the baby's hair and forehead. The baby whimpers in response. She smiles, pleased that she made it before it was too late and there would be no hope of comforting her baby boy. She knows not to leave too soon and starts to sing a lullaby. Suddenly the room lights up. She pauses, waiting, hoping that the clap of thunder is not so near or so loud. The storm must be right over the house because the thunder that follows only takes a moment and shakes the crib. Her baby boy opens his eyes wide with fear and takes a deep breath before letting it all out. A tear rolls down her cheek as she reaches in the crib to pick him up. There will be no putting him down in the crib again tonight. "It's ok my baby," she tries to soothe him. She rubs his tiny back and begins to pace the room. He gasps for air and quivers with each exhalation. The room lights again and clings her baby boy closer to her chest. The thunder continues to shake the house. Even her little house creaks under the pressure. When the next lightening strikes, so soon after, she hears crackling in another room of the house. She jumps, her heart racing. The thunder makes the house groan even louder. The baby starts screaming and her tears begin to flow. She leaves the baby's room in search of any damage. She is alone for the night and it is up to her to make sure that they will be safe. She goes to the kitchen in search of a flashlight, not wanting to risk turning on any lights in case there is a short in the house. She checks the kitchen first for any electrical fires or broken windows. Finding none, she moves to inspect the living room. The storm continues to strike with its wicked force and she tries to stay calm. To not jump with every clap of thunder. It is a battle she is not winning. Normally she loves storms, but to be home alone in one with a newborn babe is not nice at all. Curious, she draws back the drapes and looks outside. The sky is bright with purple streaks going in all directions. She has never seen anything like it before. The phone rings making her drop the drapes. She turns to go answer it and on the second ring lightening strikes again. The ring sounds funny, like it has fizzled out. Carefully, she lays her hand on the receiver and finds it hot. She puts her screaming baby in his bouncy chair and quickly runs to the kitchen to grab some silicone tongs to unplug the phone. From there she runs quickly to the breaker box and turns them all off. Wiping the tears from her eyes with the backs of her hand, she takes a deep breath and picks up her now hysterical baby. "I know baby," she whispers, "Momma is scared too." She takes a deep breath and walks back into the boy's room. Sitting in the rocking chair she tries to soothe her baby. After many stuttering breaths, he finally begins to settle and grasps at her, letting her know that he is hungry. "Of course baby," she whispers. Tears still rolling freely down her cheeks, wetting the baby's head. She opens her now tea stained blouse and feeds her baby. She continues to rock as he whimpers at her breast. She has blocked out the thunder. She closes her eyes. The baby falls asleep so she closes her blouse. Not ready to put him back in his crib she continues to rock him in her arms. The rocking eventually lulls her to sleep. "Hey babe," she hears his quiet voice and begins to stir. She opens her eyes slowly and sees her husband bending down in front of her. "Hi beautiful," he whispers before kissing her on the cheek. "Hi," she whispers back. The hint of fear still in her voice. He puts his hand on on the side of her face, tangling his fingers in her hair. His lips brush against hers and she breaths in the scent of him. He moves away from her slowly, rubbing his thumb on her bottom lip, biting his own bottom lip. She sighs. He bends down and kisses his baby boy on the forehead before scooping him out of her arms. "Time for you to go back to your bed little man." He looks his wife in the eyes. "Daddy needs to comfort your momma now." He winks at her and puts the baby in his crib. As he tucks the baby in, the baby lets out a comfortable sigh. "I don't know how you do that so easily," she whispers. "It's easy," he says playfully. "He doesn't want me as much as he wants you." He shrugs as she shakes her head. "He already knows a good thing when he sees it." He reaches a hand out to help her up and she takes it. He pulls her in close, holding her hand to his chest. He rubs his nose on hers. "You're simply irresistible." "You," she pokes his chest with her finger, "are a player." He shrugs, indifferent. "Then," he smiles, "I played my cards right." He runs his hands over her arms before grabbing them and wrapping them around his neck. "Cause, damn, I think I married the hottest woman in the world." She blushes. "And," he continues, proudly, "I can still make her blush." He wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her in closer still. Leaning his head down he doesn't simply brush his lips against hers. She tightens her arms around his neck and she can feel him grin. "Come on beautiful," he whispers stepping away from her, "we don't want to wake the boy." He winks at her before leading her by the hand out of the baby's room. (c) Rachel Rennie 2015 As always, thank you for reading and your support.
Feel free to leave a comment below. Today my thoughts are with my dad. He is a stubborn Scottsman. He was born in the late 30's and therefore has a very old school and simple mind set. For him, the formula for life is very simple. Always do your best. You put yourself first before anyone else. When you make a mistake, you admit it, apologize for it, and learn from it. He may be in his 70s but people easily mistaken him for being in his 50s. He's got a whacky sense of humor that not many people get. But I get him. There was a time in my youth where we did not see eye to eye. Things happened and I left home at a very young age. As a young adult, my father decided he couldn't right his wromngs with me but he could apologize and then start over with a young new wife. I accepted his apology becausue at one point in my life, my dad was my best friend, my rock. And my dad did a pretty fine job with his new wife and their little boy. He even got a new daughter out of the deal and was given the chance to learn that not all teenage girls are the same. When I got married, my dad handed over the status of being my rock to my husband. But he always ensured I knew he was there to provide that extra support if I ever needed it. Sometime over the weekend my dad was rushed to the hospital. My little brother, who lives with our father, sent me a message to call him. I'm in great shape for the shape I'm not in. Sometime ago I had a falling out with the women in my family. Boundaries were over stepped and when I confronted them on it they were hurt and angry. Sadly, as a result, the way the women in my family deal with negative emotions is to run away and smile in the other direction. They do not confront or deal with a problem that may shed any darkness on them or may put them in a bad light. Unlike my noble father, there is no wrong to admit to because they are not capable of doing anything wrong.
My sister apparently has been with my father a lot during his hospital stay and the hospital transfers. But she did not feel the need to call me at all. Granted, my brother is there to fill me in, but when our father was taken from the community hospital to the one in the "city", she took over. Even my brother does not know what the full story is because he is not there. My mother is attempting to maintain somewhat of a relationship with me. So, last night my mom called me. What gets me is that she said she was told to call me to give me more info. First of all, why do they have to be told to call me? Secondly, is there not any more info you can give? I ask all of you out there in the world.... Remember to do what is right. Remember that sometimes you have to put your own feelings aside and think of the person that is hurting. And no, I am not talking about me but of my father. You need to remember that it isn't always about you. If you are going to go and toot the "I am a good Christian" horn, then you best step up to that plate and portray the love of God the way He would want you to. If my post offends you, you have two choices: 1. You can talk to me about it ... or ... 2. You can run away in the other direction and smile Honestly, I do not want to write this post. Writing this and SHARING it with all of my readers makes it real and I can’t go back. Once I put this out there, it is out there. In 2008, when I returned back to the workforce after having my fourth baby, I was at my biggest. For years I worked hard to get back my pre-baby body. My pre-baby body of four babies before. In 2012, I still had not reached that goal. I fought through depression with the realization…that pre-baby body was no longer mine to be had. I was a mother now and a mommy body is not only what I deserved, but what was rightfully mine. My body had been stretched to unimaginable proportions all for the status of “momma”. I should really embrace that. And so I did. My mindset was to be a sexy momma. My goals changed and I was feeling pretty good about myself. I was still eating well, or well enough, and I was still working out. I was rocking those HiiT workouts that found 20 some year olds struggling. At this point I probably was not getting smaller but I was definitely getting stronger. And my endurance was increasing. Growing up I had outright refused to run in gym class. I will never forget one conversation with my gym teacher. “What if someone held a gun to you and said run or I’ll shoot?” If only he could have seen me at my peak in 2012. I was almost doing the 9 minute mile. Running had become a part of my day, and the days that did not permit me to run were the days I was at my worst. I ran every week day at work and then followed it with a HiiT routine. I spent hours modifying my workouts and schedules and rotations of those workouts. On weekends I would do a mixed workout and have active play with my kids. And we walked everywhere (before we got our first vehicle in 2012). It took me five years to get here. But I forgot the most important part of it all. I still complained about how fat I was. How heavy I was. How I still gave in to my cravings. I forgot to look at how far I had come. How much weight I had lost overall, not just in the past month. How few and far between those cravings actually were. I forgot to look at the size of my clothes, which in fact, were the smallest I had ever worn since I had become an adult. I forgot to see how much longer I could play with the kids at the park. How I could keep pace when walking with my husband. I forgot to recognize that tummy as the honorable ownership of a mother. I earned my stripes and, unlike some women, I was happy to have those. But I forgot the stripes had to have a home. The tummy is where they belonged. And now I hang my head in shame. In despair. In 2014 I was in a major motor vehicle accident. I couldn’t look up or down or left or right. I would get dizzy spells that made me feel like my world was tilting or slanting. Then there were times when the dizzy spells would come without warning and I would simply fall over. I would wake in the middle of the night because I felt like I was falling through my bed. I couldn’t walk up or down stairs. I had to be very aware and proactive while driving; always getting in the lane I needed as soon as I could to minimize shoulder checking. Any jumping or running was a definite no go. Any sudden movements sent sharp pains through my head. My life had suddenly changed. My outlet for freedom, to de-stress, to feel good about me was taken away. My only comfort left to me was the one thing I needed to be cautious with. Food. At first I think I handled it well. But then, I noticed small changes. And with these changes, I needed more comfort. About eight months later I was cleared by my physician to get back to where I was. I wanted to scream at them. Did they realize it took me FIVE YEARS to get to where I was?! Hand me that tub of ice cream would you please. All I can do is sigh with a sad face as I put away my winter clothes and prepare for summer. There is nothing to pull out for summer. These clothes, they simply will not fit. And there is no amount of food that will make me feel better about that. In fact, food is the enemy. Today, I am at the biggest I have ever been in my life. But, I can’t get depressed about it. I will not let myself continue this vicious cycle of eating to help my sadness about my weight. That would be crazy. Instead, I will get angry and burn that negative by working out. So here I am. Back at the beginning. My supportive husband by my side telling me I CAN do this. I learned this week that I still can’t do any jumping or any cross body twisting (think roman twists or kettlebells), but low impact cardio and strength will do. So, I will do what I can and always challenge myself to do a little more. I am determined. |