I saw a post on Twitter recently, asking how many times people have talked themselves out of a ticket. Cop: do you know why I pulled you over Me: ugh I don’t like this game sir Cop: miss, do you know why I pulled you over Me: *sigh* speeding Cop: no Me: *turns to face him* Huh. Really? So, it is the same here as in Calgary? Cop: how so miss? Me: Well in Calgary you can actually go 12 over the limit without a ticket Cop: *chest puffs* no miss Me: *slouches* oh Cop: so do you know why I pulled you over Me: *throws hands in the air and let’s the fall onto the steering wheel, overly dramatic* Are we still playing this game. *I look at the cop who says nothing* no sir. I told you I don’t like this game Cop: *taking notes* I’ll give you a hint. Has to do with the stop sign Me: *frowns at him* what?! I counted to 3 Cop: but miss *he raises an eyebrow* you didn’t actually stop first. You need to come to a complete stop first. Me: *huffs* well in my defense there was no one around Cop: I was right behind you miss Me: *giggles* if you were right behind me sir, I surely would have known Cop: *trying not to laugh* no miss Me: no? Cop: *shakes his head* no, look out your back window *he points* Me: *turns around. I can’t see the window. I have too many boxes.* Oh *I breath in defeat* Cop: oh *writing stuff down* Me: soooo what is my ticket for Cop: *laughs* I’ll give you a warning this time Me: really *I screech* Cop: yes *chuckles* Me: so what are you writing down? Is that for me Cop: yes it’s my number Me: *smiles* oh really Cop: my badge number Me: *frowns* oh. why? Cop: because I don’t want to see you again Me: oh. *frowns* That’s sad Cop: *laughing handing me the folded paper* if you get pulled over again before you get to where you’re going, hand the officer this Me: ooookaaay Cop: and no more speeding Me: so no 12 km grace Cop: no Me: alright Cop walking away I lean my head out my window and yell thank you Cop: *turns around and smiles* You’re welcome Rachel. Just be safe ok? Me: always 2 blocks away Me: *looks at speedometer* shiiit Cop: do you know how fast you were going miss Me: yes 65 Cop: you know the speed limit is 50 Me: *screeches* no it isn’t Cop: yes actually it is Me: with all due respect sir but you are mistaken Cop: *chuckles* no I’m afraid not miss. It’s residential Me: *pointing* actually sir again you are mistaken Cop: *huffs* how do you think that miss Me: *points to the right* there’s a boulevard. The residential street is on the other side of it. I am on the main road which is 60 Cop: how fast were you going Me: shrugs 65 Cop: even if what you say is correct, which *he points his pen at me* you are not, you were still speeding Me: *pffft* your paper costs more money than the ticket you could write me for being over by 5 Cop: you know you are obstructing a police officer right*he raises an eyebrow at me* Me: *sighs* actually sorry sir but again you are incorrect Cop: *smirking* really? Me: yes. I am not stopping you from doing anything Cop: ok. Let me ask you this. Something you cannot dispute Me: ok Cop: what did the speed limit sign say that you passed a block ago Me: what speed limit sign Cop: see. *sounding proud* You were going too fast to even see it Me: *again pointing to the right* actually me not seeing it probably has more to do with the fact that all these trees are over grown Cop: *looks over my car and mutters something. He looks back in at me* My mom: you know, I think my daughter is right sir Cop: *steps away from my car and laughs then returns* Listen to me Me: ok I’m listening Cop: the speed limit here is 50 and I expect you to drive 50 on this road from now on. Not 51. 50. Do you understand me Me: yes I do. Thank you for that educational moment Cop: you are cheeky Me: *shrugs* cheeky can be cute Cop: *raises an eyebrow* how fast are you going to drive on this road Me: not 51 Cop: *nods* You ladies have a nice day Me: thank you. You too sir. My mom: you know one day that won’t work for you Me: well * I shrug my shoulders* That cop followed me until I turned off that road. 15 minutes later. I fluctuated between 50 and 55 But not once did I do 51. Both of these interactions are true and are not a reflection of my writing style or ability. They are however, a reflection of my humour so that, dear readers, can know me a little better.
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